beyond anger

Anger is the ego.

Letting go is humility is peace.

Difficulty exposes weakness, limitation. Acquiesce to awareness; acknowledge.

Remove the veil of anger, and helplessness lies exposed; realization acquired that constant supplication is required.

Supplication is bestowal is joy is paradise is

true poverty and absolute nothingness.

Destiny is nothing less.

 

Free thyself

I get a distinct sense that I’m going to be stuck in a rut for a very long time unless I manage to check my ego at the door.

“Leave thyself behind, then approach Me.” – Baha’u'llah

At the moment, I’ve got it in a vice grip, sort of like a child with a security blanket.  As if the blanket itself were held in place under a large boulder. I wrap myself in that blanket and anchor myself against the compelling thrill of true endeavor.

We hold one another tightly, Ego and I, blanket and small child. We hold on indefinitely.

Pearls of the Heart

I speak of this only because it is another illustration of the effect ‘Abdu’l-Baha’s presence always had on me. I could not be near him without surges of almost irresistible emotion sweeping through me. Sometimes the effects of this emotion were apparent, but not always.

I once spoke of this to ‘Abdu’l-Baha, apologetically referring to my “childish weakness.”

He said that such tears were the pearls of the heart.

- Howard Colby Ives, “Portals to Freedom,” p.61

Needs Assessment, and Consultation

Let me share some gems of learning with you all.

Working as a Community Advisor, I’ve been told to periodically assess the needs of my floor. Needs assessment is thus an important component of the job. Like many such components, it is also a profoundly useful life skill. In every aspect of your life and your community, improvement is only possible when you can see what is needed. 

Needs assessment, however, is profoundly strengthened by consultation.  Every week, my coworker and I get together and consult about how our floor is doing and what it needs. And then we make an action plan.

Abdu’l-Baha says, “Settle all things, both great and small, by consultation. Without prior consultation, take no important step in your own personal affairs. Concern yourselves with one another. Help along one another’s projects and plans.”

Now that’s a sure reprimand to unfettered individualism.

Since I’ve latched onto this “needs assessment” kick so much, naturally I have applied it more systematically to my personal life, since I am obsessed with transformation after all. For personal needs I have found Maslow’s Hierarcy to be quite helpful for categorization purposes. I have been having these personal needs assessments once a week.

Another good tool for personal needs assessment is continual awareness of your state of being. I kept a mood log for a week and it was interesting to see what exactly might be affecting my moods. On a similar note, I’ve been paying attention to exactly how I feel after eating certain foods, which has gotten me quite naturally to change some tendencies.

I have to start somewhere with the process, so I do that part on my own, but I’m gradually branching out into the realm of consultation. I’m learning to seek consultation from people regarding aspects of my life, instead of just plowing ahead. 

Learning feels good. It’s good to feel like I’m gaining the kind of life skills that help me to keep gaining life skills. I’m also excited to extrapolate this learning onto broader aspects of working for positive transformation in communities, which is basically my life goal. 

Find out what you need, whatever will help you grow and attain your goal. Do what you need to do and life your life. But you don’t have to do it all alone.

Wholeness be with you.

Ladder of Trust

Hi Everyone.

Trust is like a ladder. If it is strong and stable, you can climb it quite high, but height increases the risk factor in the event that the ladder fails. 

If you’re trusting a person, the ladder mostly depends on the person’s trustworthiness. The more you trust the person, the more you will hurt if they fail you.

With trust in God, however, the strength of the ladder has nothing to do with God’s trustworthiness and everything to do with your trust level.  God’s help will always be there, but you have to have faith to let that hold you up. To climb higher on the ladder of service and spirituality, your faith must remain strong. The more you try to serve, the more trusting and constant in prayer you have to be to maintain that, or else you try to plant your own two legs back down, and in doing so experience a jarring and unpleasant lack of stability.

I found myself quite hesitant to pray for service. I asked myself why. I found out that I was afraid that I couldn’t do it, couldn’t maintain service in the midst of my life struggles. But then I realized that was the whole point of prayer: focusing that intention and drawing on divine assistance. The scary reality was that I actually could do it. I could do it and it would require constancy. It would require more active trusting and keeping a firm hold on that ladder. 

I want to strengthen that ladder of trust, so that I don’t spend the rest of my life sitting on the ground looking up.

Maslow and Me

The reader has probably come across Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. I won’t delve into it but basically, depending on which needs you already have met, you will pursue certain goals accordingly.

If you’re not distracted enough by more basic needs, you might stray into the dangerous territory of focusing on attaining self-esteem, or worse, self-actualization.

This line of thinking leads to realizations regarding obstacles that stand in the way. Things you wouldn’t otherwise bother thinking of.  And in those critical moments of growth in our lives, we end up staring our little demons in the face. 

I’ve heard lately from a couple of friends who have recently been working through the current psychological effects of issues from their childhood and adolescence. These tend to be people who are really in the process of solidifying some place or identity in life, such as being recently married, or having their first child.

It may be because I’m looking to graduate this year, or perhaps because I just am far too self-reflective, but a similar thing is happening to me. Somehow I let myself figure out that I’m compartmentalized, that I’m far too good at getting over emotions, forgetting what they feel like.  If I say no to that life strategy, as I’m deciding now, then I have to face whatever unresolved pressure drove me in this direction in the first place. 

We don’t give a thought to those gaps in the structure until we decide that we want to build a tower that reaches to the sky.

Rely for Life

Rely upon God. Trust in Him. Praise Him, and call Him continually to mind.

He verily turneth trouble into ease, and sorrow into solace, and toil into utter peace.

He verily hath dominion over all things.

- ‘Abdu’l-Baha

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

Ready, Set, Live.

Monologue Concerning Natural Religion

I posted this back in my livejournal days, but it has yet to see the light on WordPress, so it’s totally time to put it out there again. Hope you enjoy it!

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I am sure that the spiritual laws operate like the natural laws, and indeed are fundamentally natural laws. I couldn’t bring myself to believe in them otherwise. Arbitrary constructions don’t fit in to the universe-concept that seems to be…hard to explain, it’s kind of like a well-fitting garment that I didn’t just wake up and put on one day. I merely turn around and notice that I’ve put my arm through the sleeve that I didn’t know was there, and it’s exactly the right length and neither tight nor loose. So, everything is very simple.

We are all interconnected, originating from the same will and command, the same foundation of being, and every thing we see, as it ‘exists,’ is an expression of potential (read: the infinitude of possibility). All matter is energy and all energy is matter, and somehow both of those boil down to overlapping probabilities and math that’s slightly over my head… And some forms of potential are latent: The chemical potential of combustion, before we light the wick. The atom, before we split it.

The great Teachers, knowing reality, have told us some important things. For one, our perception does not encompass all of the wonderful things that exist, that have emanated from God, brought forth from the realms of the possible through the pre-existent Word of Command. All created things have latent capacities that we have only begun to discover. Human potential is the greatest. Individually, collectively. See? This is Humanism at its finest!

The conformation of things must be in a certain way in order for their potentials to be manifested. A seed needs the right conditions to grow into a tree. So, by what array of conditions do these human souls realize their unseen and unimagined spectrum of potentialities?

Part of it is to get our consciousness working for us. We have to live in the truth and be part of it. No way can we separate ourselves and still truly live. If we deny that we are interconnected with one another and sustained by the one same Sustainer, then that’s exactly what it says – denial. In denial of thermodynamics, we can’t make machines work. In denial of health science, we don’t gain physical strength and endurance. We may get lucky, and often get by very well with incomplete knowledge, because it at least works for the right situation, like Newtonian physics on the correct size scale at the correct speeds. But if we deny the principles of structural stability, then all of our bridges will collapse. If we deny the principles of spiritual reality, we live in an unstable imagining and hinder ourselves from understanding and embracing what is more real and lasting.

What does it mean to attain eternal life? I’ll tell you what it doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean, “If you answer this question correctly when you die, you get to not die, and live forever instead.” Eternal life is eternal, so it exists right now and it always has existed and it always will exist. It exists for us while we live on Earth. We can discover the hidden mysteries and reveal our potentials and live in the truth, which is eternal, and that is how we partake of and attain the eternal life. Finding the path of acknowledgment, we align our inner beings in such a way to unblock the free flows of love and inspiration. “Sin” means to refuse acknowledgment, and seek to be cut off, and refuse the bounty offered, inasmuch as

“The whole duty of man in this Day is to attain that share of the flood of grace which God poureth forth for him.”

A part of this grace is that in every age we are given a Divine Educator to help us transform our inner selves and move society toward greater knowledge, peace, and oneness. They help us understand ourselves and the potential in our lives and the world around us, and teach us how to love more perfectly and to be, ourselves, the grace of God manifested in the world. 

People can find forms of enlightenment and do great things while not necessarily accepting and following God’s Manifestation, and none of those good things are negated in any way. They deserve much praise. And people can accept and follow God’s Manifestation and yet fail to actively learn and be transformed. They may end up partaking of less good, especially if they fall into self-satisfaction or apathy. It is a moot point to draw labels between the alleged “believer” and “non-believer.” In both cases, the point is that this Divine Education, so awesomely and generously provided for us, is not redundant to anyone, much less to the world as a whole. Much is available to us, and it is a shame, a loss, if we don’t use it for our benefit. This applies to everyone. It is very simple.

The concept of “education” helps us to understand the purpose of the Divine Educators, like so:

“Regard man as a mine rich in gems of inestimable value. Education can, alone, cause it to reveal its treasures, and enable mankind to benefit therefrom. If any man were to meditate on that which the Scriptures, sent down from the heaven of God’s holy Will, have revealed, he would readily recognize that their purpose is that all men shall be regarded as one soul, so that the seal bearing the words ‘ The Kingdom shall be God’s’ may be stamped on every heart, and the light of Divine bounty, of grace, and mercy may envelop all mankind.”

See? Education mines the gems that are latent in our inner reality, bringing them to the benefit of mankind, and this is how God’s grace and mercy envelop all of us, through all of us.

That’s why worship of God is important and not a form of slavery or oppression. It’s simple alignment. Again, it unlocks that which is in ourselves.

There is a matrix that defines a sub-domain of reality, and it is known as material reality. We’re not bound to this matrix forever, and upon leaving we gain a new perspective of what is already there. We gain a new perspective of ourselves. We can see some things a lot more clearly. If it is easy to be in denial of spiritual reality when we are alive, the great Teachers tell us that we do not have that luxury anymore upon death. This isn’t something they inflict on us…it’s the underlying reality that they reveal to us.

We are told that if we have lived in denial of our duty and our potential, then at this point of physical death, we will become aware of the good things that have escaped us. This is just very simply a natural consequence and not an arbitrary ‘assignment’ of final fate. Like I said: everything is very simple.

None of these stations, acceptance or denial, connectedness or separation, are necessarily time-dependent. It is possible that in an instant we fully attain eternal life, or in an instant we cast it all behind our backs and deem it worthless, and both these things are possible even at the very moment of death.

“O My servants! The one true God is My witness! This most great, this fathomless and surging Ocean is near, astonishingly near, unto you. Behold it is closer to you than your life-vein! Swift as the twinkling of an eye ye can, if ye but wish it, reach and partake of this imperishable favor, this God-given grace, this incorruptible gift, this most potent and unspeakably glorious bounty.”

So, we’re all in the same condition, and “none knoweth what his own end shall be,” so we have to be humble.

Tweaks Under The Hood

Tweaks Under The Hood

Dear readers, some of you have been with me for a while and know the trend of my musings. It’s like I’m constantly on the verge of a breakthrough in living, but there are always roadblocks and I find that I need to make some adjustments and then I blog about it. It’s a cycle that repeats itself. A common thread is that feeling of being hindered from fulfilling my capacity, from summoning the full force of my mind and my heart and my passion for change and acting on it in a consistent manner. 

But there are always little bits and pieces of things that I learn, and in articulating that learning, I use them as anchoring points. It’s like I’m doing an outdoor climb and my next few steps might falter, but hopefully I can get a grip quickly enough that I don’t have to learn everything all over again. 

One is that the whole “productivity algorithm” I was going for is bunk. There are positive elements to it, for sure, such as being organized and systematic. But I’m not a machine that I can program habits into like installing software. Mere discipline is not all that I lack.

No, the more prominent hindrance is something that I’ve noticed more lately. It is precisely the problem of internal fragmentation. (I guess that’s one example of how I could still be compared to a hard drive. Nerdarrific.)

The problems in my life that I can’t solve, I partition away into another segment of myself, so that the rest of me can still function. I distract myself from the part that feels helpless. I have also partitioned academics from life and intellect from emotion. Strength from weakness, productivity from rest, body from spirit with mind caught in between. No wonder I experience “multiple consciousness” so strongly, a disjointed conglomeration of personalities. No wonder the “awake” part of me flits away and I suddenly don’t even remember what that urgency even felt like. 

No wonder I even ended up partitioning off the state of prayer.

The satisfaction of progress that I crave will only descend upon me to the extent that my knowing my self (the first Taráz) becomes more complete. Which means that the self itself has to be more whole and complete. In other words, my task is to become inwardly united. To the extent that all aspects of my life are spiritual actions. To the extent that the “itty bitty person inside of me” becomes all of me. 

Positive steps? I think there have been a lot lately. Deciding that I want to do public health. Being honest with my engineering mentor and stepping away from a lab position that I didn’t have my heart in. Serving the Faith in a different capacity. Asking for help and support with things I’ve been facing alone. Meeting new people and re-telling my story in new ways, approaching coherence. Making plans to go live in a region of the world that has always called to my heart. 

Writing all of this down is helping me hold on to this anchoring point and these positive steps, and I want to shout out to anyone who has given encouragement or silent presence on the journey. You’ve helped me find hope and peace in the reflective moments. Thanks for reading.

Dear readers, some of you have been with me for a while and know the trend of my musings. It’s like I’m constantly on the verge of a breakthrough in living, but there are always roadblocks and I find that I need to make some adjustments and then I blog about it. It’s a cycle that repeats itself. A common thread is that feeling of being hindered from fulfilling my capacity, from summoning the full force of my mind and my heart and my passion for change and acting on it in a consistent manner. 

But there are always little bits and pieces of things that I learn, and in articulating that learning, I use them as anchoring points. It’s like I’m doing an outdoor climb and my next few steps might falter, but hopefully I can get a grip quickly enough that I don’t have to learn everything all over again. 

One is that the whole “productivity algorithm” I was going for is bunk. There are positive elements to it, for sure, such as being organized and systematic. But I’m not a machine that I can program habits into like installing software. Mere discipline is not all that I lack.

No, the more prominent hindrance is something that I’ve noticed more lately. It is precisely the problem of internal fragmentation. (I guess that’s one example of how I could still be compared to a hard drive. Nerdarrific.)

The problems in my life that I can’t solve, I partition away into another segment of myself, so that the rest of me can still function. I distract myself from the part that feels helpless. I have also partitioned academics from life and intellect from emotion. Strength from weakness, productivity from rest, body from spirit with mind caught in between. No wonder I experience “multiple consciousness” so strongly, a disjointed conglomeration of personalities. No wonder the “awake” part of me flits away and I suddenly don’t even remember what that urgency even felt like. 

No wonder I even ended up partitioning off the state of prayer.

The satisfaction of progress that I crave will only descend upon me to the extent that my knowing my self (the first Taráz) becomes more complete. Which means that the self itself has to be more whole and complete. In other words, my task is to become inwardly united. To the extent that all aspects of my life are spiritual actions. To the extent that the “itty bitty person inside of me” becomes all of me. 

Positive steps? I think there have been a lot lately. Deciding that I want to do public health. Being honest with my engineering mentor and stepping away from a lab position that I didn’t have my heart in. Serving the Faith in a different capacity. Asking for help and support with things I’ve been facing alone. Meeting new people and re-telling my story in new ways, approaching coherence. Making plans to go live in a region of the world that has always called to my heart. 

Writing all of this down is helping me hold on to this anchoring point and these positive steps, and I want to shout out to anyone who has given encouragement or silent presence on the journey. You’ve helped me find hope and peace in the reflective moments. Thanks for reading.

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One can hardly imagine what a great influence genuine love, truthfulness and purity of motives exert on the souls of men. But these traits cannot be acquired by any believer unless he makes a daily effort to gain them.

The Universal House of Justice
   Messages 1963 to 1986, p. 436

O SON OF MAN!

Write all that We have revealed unto thee with the ink of light upon the tablet of thy spirit. Should this not be in thy power, then make thine ink of the essence of thy heart. If this thou canst not do, then write with that crimson ink that hath been shed in My path. Sweeter indeed is this to Me than all else, that its light may endure for ever.

The Hidden Words of Bahá’u'lláh
Part I–From the Arabic

about me, and you

Who is the entity producing this text?

Essentially, an abstraction. A concept which, once conceived, became materially manifested as a wave of energy in space-time.  A wave that was composite and complex. Partially periodic, part real, part imaginary. A pattern of form that appropriated substance to serve as its mode of transmission, expression.

That is how I have come to be. And you also.

We move this medium in the form of earth-bodies. We transmit our waves and sometimes they amplify, sometimes in harmonic motion with one another, and sometimes they stifle one another. Our waves get reflected back at us, too. They all interact and change one another. Maybe parts of our waves interact in other media, what one might call other realms, other worlds.

Maybe death is when our wave moves across the boundary, like the interface between air and water. 

Or maybe the media are overlapping and we merely shift in frequency to resonate the next realm.

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For a more comprehensive treatment of science, philosophy, and metaphysics, I would direct the reader towards “The Seven Mysteries of Life” by Guy Murchie.