Reflections on Refinement

Dear readers, last night I was struck with the realization that I am in one sense composed of many ephemeral personalities cohabiting within one frame. And now a moment ago I discovered that self-reflection involves those different components of my self getting together and having a conversation and hammering out their differences.

Today I had an experience of an inner clash of perspectives. The clash is actually ongoing. I will articulate it both for its own sake and for the sake of the wider concept of inner conflict.

Lately I’ve been reading a great book called “Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom” by Christianne Northrup, a doctor who has set up a clinic for women. In the book, she explains in many instances how many women have health problems related to their life conditions and psychology, because the relationship between mind and body is very strong. A prevailing hindrance to women creating health in their lives is the shame they feel regarding their own bodies and selves. Which, of course, stems from the dominant attitudes (among men and women alike!) of a patriarchal society.

At noon today, I was a feminist. It was a very hot day and I was alone in my apartment and I needed to get out. My main mode of transportation is by bike, and for a significant bike ride, it was definitely weather for wearing shorts. 

But, hold it, HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! I have hair on my legs.

Hair. On my legs. Where hair has no right to exist on a woman. But, that’s not right…most full grown women do, indeed, grow hair on their legs, a rather cumbersome “aberration” that affects a large surface area of the body, if it is seen as such. Rebelling against the idea that I should hate and be ashamed of such a benign reality, I summoned up the courage to wear the shorts and go natural.

Fast forward to later today. I came into the presence of people I regard with much respect and admiration, right outside of the Baha’i Center. My “mental pilot entity” completely switched, and right away I had the intense feeling that I should not have dared come out in public in my state of unsightly hairiness. What was I thinking? (that’s the hallmark phrase of the internally conflicted). And by some cosmic brainwave interaction, from a different avenue, the subject of conversation turned for some time to cosmetics and grooming. 

The word “grooming” really alters my thought process regarding this – that’s the power of language, right? Being well-groomed and refined could refer to a lot of things based on social norms and conventions, boiling down to personal opinion. But then there’s the danger of falling into solipsism. In the spirit of “Minimalism” by W. S. Hatcher, some subjectivity does not necessarily mean total subjectivity. To illustrate the point, the Most Holy Book of the Baha’i Faith talks about the importance of refinement. For example, this passage: “Cleave ye unto the cord of refinement with such tenacity as to allow no trace of dirt to be seen upon your garments.” Hence, refinement and such concepts do in fact have concrete meanings. The idea of refinement as a virtuous quality nudges me in the direction of performing what is regarded as refined by the elements of culture that surround me. 

I want to believe that external beauty is founded on health and on acceptance of your face and body as they are in their natural state. That adornments beyond this can and should be enjoyed, but they are secondary to this.

Then, I know there’s a part of me saying, “Idealist girl, you’re living in the real world.” That’s the part of me that wants to bury those insecurities by following the protocol of trying to make my appearance flawless, and also to be fashionable. I embrace the values of beauty and dignity and paying positive attention to my appearance. But there’s such a negative association with the effort it takes to go against nature and make my womanly legs like those of a child, not to mention the time and money that it takes to invest in a versatile variety of high-quality clothing. 

All in all, every viewpoint mentioned co-exists within my mind and show up in different situations, and none of them win out in the end. A part of me would have even thought that this subject was too cliché to write about in my lofty, abstract online journal. 

Somebody please test my DNA multiple times, because I think I’m a chimera.

[signed: The Editor]

Dear readers, last night I was struck with the realization that I am in one sense composed of many ephemeral personalities cohabiting within one frame. And now a moment ago I discovered that self-reflection involves those different components of my self getting together and having a conversation and hammering out their differences.

Today I had an experience of an inner clash of perspectives. The clash is actually ongoing. I will articulate it both for its own sake and for the sake of the wider concept of inner conflict.

Lately I’ve been reading a great book called “Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom” by Christianne Northrup, a doctor who has set up a clinic for women. In the book, she explains in many instances how many women have health problems related to their life conditions and psychology, because the relationship between mind and body is very strong. A prevailing hindrance to women creating health in their lives is the shame they feel regarding their own bodies and selves. Which, of course, stems from the dominant attitudes (among men and women alike!) of a patriarchal society.

At noon today, I was a feminist. It was a very hot day and I was alone in my apartment and I needed to get out. My main mode of transportation is by bike, and for a significant bike ride, it was definitely weather for wearing shorts. 

But, hold it, HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! I have hair on my legs.

Hair. On my legs. Where hair has no right to exist on a woman. But, that’s not right…most full grown women do, indeed, grow hair on their legs, a rather cumbersome “aberration” that affects a large surface area of the body, if it is seen as such. Rebelling against the idea that I should hate and be ashamed of such a benign reality, I summoned up the courage to wear the shorts and go natural.

Fast forward to later today. I came into the presence of people I regard with much respect and admiration, right outside of the Baha’i Center. My “mental pilot entity” completely switched, and right away I had the intense feeling that I should not have dared come out in public in my state of unsightly hairiness. What was I thinking? (that’s the hallmark phrase of the internally conflicted). And by some cosmic brainwave interaction, from a different avenue, the subject of conversation turned for some time to cosmetics and grooming. 

The word “grooming” really alters my thought process regarding this – that’s the power of language, right? Being well-groomed and refined could refer to a lot of things based on social norms and conventions, boiling down to personal opinion. But then there’s the danger of falling into solipsism. In the spirit of “Minimalism” by W. S. Hatcher, some subjectivity does not necessarily mean total subjectivity. To illustrate the point, the Most Holy Book of the Baha’i Faith talks about the importance of refinement. For example, this passage: “Cleave ye unto the cord of refinement with such tenacity as to allow no trace of dirt to be seen upon your garments.” Hence, refinement and such concepts do in fact have concrete meanings. The idea of refinement as a virtuous quality nudges me in the direction of performing what is regarded as refined by the elements of culture that surround me. 

I want to believe that external beauty is founded on health and on acceptance of your face and body as they are in their natural state. That adornments beyond this can and should be enjoyed, but they are secondary to this.

Then, I know there’s a part of me saying, “Idealist girl, you’re living in the real world.” That’s the part of me that wants to bury those insecurities by following the protocol of trying to make my appearance flawless, and also to be fashionable. I embrace the values of beauty and dignity and paying positive attention to my appearance. But there’s such a negative association with the effort it takes to go against nature and make my womanly legs like those of a child, not to mention the time and money that it takes to invest in a versatile variety of high-quality clothing. 

All in all, every viewpoint mentioned co-exists within my mind and show up in different situations, and none of them win out in the end. A part of me would have even thought that this subject was too cliché to write about in my lofty, abstract online journal. 

Somebody please test my DNA multiple times, because I think I’m a chimera.

[signed: The Editor]